Freedom in the Lord

Last week I spent a couple days sick in bed. With little else to do, I reached for a book that had been sitting on my night stand for months. Rebecca, by Daphne Du Maurier—a classic. I don’t remember buying it but think it may have come as part of my oldest daughter’s reading curriculum late in high school. I didn’t expect it to have an impact on me. The cover describes it as “The Classic Tale of Romantic Suspense.”  I won’t spoil the story for you but I’ll tell you how God used it to speak to me last week.

The main character in the story is profoundly introspective. In fact, much of the book is taken up with her thoughts. Specifically, she is constantly thinking about how other people are perceiving her and how she’s measuring up compared to them. Her introspective thoughts and the self-conscious feelings that flow from those thoughts are so prolific that there’s little room for any other kind of thought or feeling. What a trap that kind of inward focus is! As I read, I felt God was reminding me not to go this way. He reminded me of how Herod had John the Baptist beheaded simply because Herod didn’t want to look bad in front of his dinner guests. And how in Mark 15:15 Pilate had Jesus crucified “wishing to satisfy the multitude.” I thought about how God tells me repeatedly in scripture that He is my inheritance, and I considered how rich that makes me and yet how poorly I live when I feast on inward-turned thoughts, instead of His riches.

Do you find it easy to slip into that kind of living? I do. I can slip into it without even realizing it. That’s why the story was so helpful. It showed me one scene after another of a person who is handicapped by chronic self-assessment and criticism.

I’ve read some great books about how to write a compelling story—about various ways to drive a plot relentlessly forward. The book Rebecca is driven forward by the main character’s chronic self-assessment. It is the force that drives her silence, keeps her spirit impoverished and insures her isolation. It leaves her wide open to all kinds of danger. An excellent plot device but a hard way to live! When I realized this was what was driving the story forward, I began to do a little mental experiment. Each time the main character began her inward-focussed thinking, I imagined what would happen if she were to stop at that moment and acknowledge that she was fully loved by God, fully seen by Him, and that He was her inheritance, just as she was His. And each time I imagined this, I could see the outcome clearly in my mind. She would be free. Right away. No matter what came next. Free to truly love others if she didn’t need their approval and appreciation. Free to make mistakes, knowing that God looks at her with kindness and mercy. I felt like God was saying to me,  Amy, if you want to love others, you have to be free. If you want to stay awake to the beauty around you, you have to be free. And freedom comes from ME.

The main character in Rebecca is never given a name. The author said it’s because she couldn’t think of one that fit. I think the absence is fitting because without freedom we lose our identity. We live as though we are nameless. God says His banner over us is love. We have a name.

Blessings to you this week as you find your freedom in the Lord.

~Amy