Grocery Store Magic

One day, when my kids were little, I was pushing the grocery cart out of the store and a weary-looking young mother walked by. Her kids were making lots of noise and she noticed mine were silent, and appeared to be exhausted almost to the point of unconsciousness. She pulled me aside and asked, “how do you get your kids to be so quiet at the grocery store? I’ve seen you here before, and your kids are always quiet and mine are just awful.” I smiled really big and whispered to her, “It’s a trick! It works so good— it’s like magic!” And I went on to tell her exactly what I’m about to tell you.

But first, let me describe how things used to go at the grocery store, before the whole magical-grocery-store-kid-silencing-trick got started. I need a better name for that… A one sentence description would be: It was bad. My daughters are just under a year and a half apart in age—so, a lot like twins. Back when they were little they rode side by side in the grocery cart, giggling their way through the store. It was like waves of giggles, with each wave a little louder and less controlled than the last, until finally a wave would get too high and come crashing down. That’s when one of the kids had taken silliness a little too far and upset the other. This would begin a new series of waves—with one kid whining,“Stop!” while the other continued laughing. This would usually repeat two to four times until I intervened and corrected the insensitive laugher, which left me with one child sniffling and feeling better and the other crying quietly while side-eyeing her sister. Doesn’t that sound fun? Now, picture that cycle over and over again, and imagine that while you’re experiencing all those emotional ups and downs, you’re also trying to get all your groceries for the week. And while you’re picturing that, go ahead and imagine that you’re an introvert who really doesn’t like an influx of random sounds. And one last thing—imagine that you are ridiculously distractible and therefore terrible at multitasking (I can’t even fill cups with ice while carrying on a conversation).

The grocery store we went to offered free cookies to kids and since I didn’t let my kids have much sugar at all, those cookies were a BIG deal to them. One day, as they were just beginning their first round of giggle-waves, I said, “Hey, I want to get each of you a cookie, but the thing is—cookies make kids more energetic, and you two seem to have lots of energy already. However, if you were really tired, that would change everything. Then, it would be a great time to get each of you a cookie.” Both girls looked thoughtful. “I feel tired,” one said. “Me too,” the other agreed. “Hmm,” I said. “I’m just not sure. You two were giggling way more than tired girls usually do. But, if I’m convinced that you’re REALLY tired by the end of this grocery store trip, I might consider getting you both a cookie.”

And that’s how it all started. Sometimes one of them would forget for a moment that they were supposed to be exhausted and they’d start to pep up. And when that happened, I’d say, “Ooh, it looks like somebody’s feeling energetic.” And the energy would drain right back out of them. My kids looked positively ill all the way through the store week after week as I glided down the aisles, taking my time to get exactly what I needed, humming along with the 80’s music that always seemed to be playing. I loved those times. They were like mini-vacations that left me feeling ready to tackle the rest of the day. 

You may shake your head at this method. And maybe you should, because I was totally tricking my two super sweet, lovable children. Yep. But I don’t feel bad about it… so maybe that will make you feel better. 

~Amy